So far this year, the Rockets have led the league in field goal percentage and three point percentage. They have made tough shots at tough times and have the best percentage shooter in the league in Othella Harrington and four of the best three point marksmen in the league in Matt Bullard, Brent Price, Cuttino Mobley and Michael Dickerson. This all despite the poor start of Matt Maloney and the poor shooting start of Scottie Pippen. However...

The Rockets have faced problems with their offense that have come from an inability to get into their half court offense. The problem seems to stem from the fact that teams have begun to front post up players causing the Rockets to stand around and not really know exactly what to do. Either that or Mobley yo-yo's the ball at the top of the key until the shot clock is at 5.

It has become more apparent than ever that the Rockets need time to practice. They won't get it, but they need it. This is a team that barely knows each other and is having to learn on the fly. Olajuwon is not as quick or as strong as he used to be and the entry pass, an art that has escaped many players but one that Elie, Horry and Drexler have mastered, has eluded a lot of the young Rockets.

Unfortunately, the only real solution to this problem is time. Houston needs time to correct the problem and time to find ways around it. More motion in the offense would be nice, but that requires practice also. Until then, the stars have to step up and make the team better. More fast breaks, better defense, better rebounding will all have to be the norm until the Rockets injured players return and until the team can get some more fluidity in their set offense.

The true test will come in the close games. When the shot clock is running down and the game clock is nearing zero in the fourth, it requires patience, a steady hand and flawless execution. Until the Rockets can find that type of chemistry, they'll have to rely on hustle and athletic ability.

My God! Is it so bad that even superstars like Matt Maloney have to buy their own shoes? It must be. While on the current road trip, star Rocket point guard, Maloney, realized that his shoe had been allegedly torn by Cuttino Mobley who later said, "Man, I want the damn ball, but I didn't rip his shoe."

Later, it was determined that Brent Price decided to sabotage his would-be backcourt buddy for playing time. Price, who routinely let's Maloney borrow his own shoes for what reason we can only imagine, incredibly had no extra pair for Maloney.

"I was just helping Rudy to make the decision everyone on the Clutch City BBS has know was the right one all along. Now if Rudy would just sign KJ!" Price said.

After a brief discussion with his agent and a short prayer (sources tell us it wasn't the Lord's prayer but went something like, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me!?"), Maloney realized he had no shoe deal this season since Nike realized that Maloney looked too much like some kid in one of their sweat shops in Malaysia.

So, off he went to brave the throngs of adoring fans at a Miami mall. Upon entering the Just For Feet with his two body guards and five members of his gun-toting posse, Maloney went to the counter and said, "I'm Matt Maloney from the Houston Rockets, but you may know me as the honorary chairperson of the United States Bricklayer's Society (or USBS for short). Anyway, I need some shoes for today when I smoke Tim Hardaway for 35 and 10. Can you help me?"

The clerk paused, caught his breath and said, "Anything for you, sir. What size do you wear?"

Maloney scoffed and said, "Damn, are you dissin' me? You should know by now. I'm a size 12!"

"Sorry sir, " the clerk replied as he scurried off in mouse-like fashion to the back room to locate some shoes for Maloney.

The clerk returned with bad news. He didn't have any basketball shoes in Maloney's size. He had a pair of CB4's in a size 4 1/2 and 25 pairs of Air Jordan's in sizes 2 to 8, but no 12's.

Incensed at the clerk's obvious lack of respect, Maloney said, "Damnit, what do you have?"

"Well, Mr. Maloney, we have these Addidas in 13's and these low rise women's pumps in a men's size 12. You see, we cater to a lot of drag queens here on South Beach and, of course, Will Smith. You may have seen him playing for the Lakers."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just give me the stupid 13's, but...um...pack of the pumps for me for after the game."

The clerk quickly wrapped up the shoes and Maloney, now here's the shocking part, whipped out $80 of his OWN CASH to pay for the Addidas (the clerk through in the pumps for free and slipped a piece of paper in the left shoe with "Bobby's House of Leather after the game - ask for Bruce" scribbled on it)! The clerk, so shocked to see an NBA super star pay for anything on his own fainted and later died at a local hospital from cardiac arrest.

At the game, Rudy found out in the first quarter that Maloney was wearing shoes that were a size too big and yanked him for the rest of the game. Hardaway hugged Rudy while Price snickered and gave Maloney a wedgie before entering the game. Maloney sat dejected at the end of the bench at plotted his revenge...

The moral of this story is...pumps aren't in season. Every good drag queen knows you wear heels if you want to pimp on South Beach.

Next time, the story of Little Red Barkley Hood and how he through the big bad wolf through a plate glass window.

Until then, may your shorts never ride up and may your rouge never overpower your eyeliner. See you at Bobby's!